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“You see love, I’ve done a lot of thinking about our anal sex problem. I’m just never going to like it. At one point, I was even looking into hypnosis. But the idea of paying some psychiatrist to put me to sleep and convince me that I liked it in the ass seemed too weird to go through with it.”She snickered then shook her head and chewed a few pistachios. She was giving me time to let this sink in before continuing.“The trouble was, I was thinking about our problem like a wife. I should have been thinking about it like a management consultant. When I switched gears, it took all of thirty seconds to figure out what to do about this whole butt sex thing.”She smiled as she came over to bat at Dylan’s ponytail playfully, “I’m outsourcing it. To an expert.” She patted the little blonde’s head.“You’re an expert?” I looked down at Dylan suspiciously.“Yep, I’ve had more than my share of backdoor loving. In high school, I let one of the guys on the swim team give it to me in the ass. And I. ‘Why do you want it in cash?’ I was embarrassed and then muttered, ‘I don’t have a bank account.’ ‘Not even a savings account?’ ‘No accounts at all. I never had enough money to worry about it. I just carry cash around.’ Charlie was quiet for a few moments and then said, ‘Clyde, you’re going to my bank and I’ll write you a check for what I owe you. Then you’ll open a savings account and put in the money you don’t need right now. And then we’ll get you an ATM card so you can withdraw your money when you need it.’ I was embarrassed, but I knew she was right. I nodded agreement and we drove to her bank. After the bank stuff was done we walked to a nearby restaurant to get a sandwich. When we finished eating, Charlie looked at me and shyly asked, ‘What do you think about us taking a long weekend vacation at the ocean?’ I looked at her. She violently blushed, ‘Separate rooms, Clyde…not sex. Just to relax.’ I blushed. Sex is not my thing. I’m a virgin. The closest I’ve come to sex is.
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